Going Deeper

Today is the second day, when I meditated for more than 30 minutes. It feels so good, and I realise I should have tried it earlier. Still, better late than never. I have also realised, that in order to awaken and realise my life's purpose, I should be aware of my thoughts throughout the day. Now, I have been doing this partly for some time, but it's time i devoted myself whole heartedly to this. I will be focusing on the being aware specially when I am speaking to someone, and when I am reading or writing something.
Now, consciousness has been telling me when to be present, and I still need to listen to that.
I will become present when:

1. I feel uneasy or anxious
2. When i feel like I want something or someone.
3. I feel bored
4. I find myself attached to something or someone.
5. When I am thinking negatively.
6. When I am thinking about either past or future.

It doesn't really matter, what I do on the outside. But it's important that I am completely aware of my thoughts while doing it

Funny,after I decided to confront my fear, stopped getting that dreadful feeling of anxiety.
It came to visit me again and again, today morning and I think it will do so for some more time, until it stops coming altogether.
No sooner, had I thought that I had almost found and overcome one of my fears, another came to visit me. This one said..will I be able to crack jokes, make others smile like I used to. I looked at it right in the eye, and it knew what I meant.
After that, I was able to be in the moment more than ever before. Like when I was talking to my colleague I was intensely present, and I think she felt it too. :)
God, why do we have all these fears.. Life would have been so beautiful without them.People would have loved each other more completely. They would have been more honest with each other.
Makes me wonder, would we have borders, if we didn't have any fears. There would one world, one community, all people living in harmony. Maybe people wouldn't have the fear of not having enough money, so everybody would be living in abundance. Everybody would be doing the work they love to do. Sounds like utopia. But it is possible if mankind can get rid of all it's fears.

Imagine, right now entire nations live in fear. So what do they do, they build up walls/borders, build up arms stockpiles, invade countries and spread fear. Funny isn't it.
Now you have certain sects, tribes or communities who feel threatened by something , so they get guns and bombs and terrorize people.
Are they trying to prove to themselves that they are not afraid, or are they just trying to prove that Your fear is bigger than my fear?
Only God knows, but their egos know better..

Today, after a long time I am feeling low.
It's a feeling , I used to feel earlier.
I feel a bit perplexed, about what to do, so I went outside to clear my head.
My dilemma is that, should I be just aware of my thoughts through out the day, or be completely present during detain times of the day, like while reading, writing, eating or just speaking to someone.
My fear is that if I be present, or rather force my mind to be in the present moment, would be using force. But according to whatever, I have learnt, the mind doesn't yield to force. So I started thinking about being aware of my breath. But again, that is not something that I can do through out the day.

So suddenly it came to me..the answer is my fear.I fear that I may not successful at being enlightened, if I am present at certain points of time during the day.

So , I have to overcome this fear now, like so many of my hidden fears.
That's the solution